How to Not Be the Non-Confrontational FriendHow to Not Be the Non-Confrontational Friend

In the horrific adaptation of Stephen King’s Carrie, the 1976 film dives into the life of shy, non-confrontational, and nonviolent (at the time) Carrie White. Carrie is portrayed as a teen with little experience in social settings, which makes her vulnerable to being picked on and bullied in different ways. 

“No, it’s not that I don’t like to speak up for myself, I’m just super non-confrontational.” That’s not a statement you should live by, babe. What do you mean you’re just “super non-confrontational”? No matter how shy you are, you should always speak up for yourself—no matter what. 

Carrie herself was a beautiful young girl, unable to grow into her teen years like a “normal” teenager due to constant abuse and mistreatment from her mother. Being told to never say anything to anyone takes a toll on you as both an individual and a young person. For Carrie, not speaking up for herself turned into one dumpster fire after another, spiraling out of control and ultimately leading to her own—and others’—demise. 

Now, I know we’re all too old to bully each other. Plus, death is a bit extreme. We’re grown adults; anything should be fixable or compromiseable through a simple conversation. Even if you don’t get your way, at least you’ll have peace of mind knowing you said your piece and shared your perspective on whatever the issue, argument, or disagreement was. 

October is a crucial time in your college career. Everything is happening at once—welcome week, assignments, events, classes, birthdays, you name it. By now, you’ve likely established a routine, found your friend group, and if you’re like me and love your friends, you’ve probably seen them multiple times since school started to discuss the most important event of the year: Halloween weekend. 

The biggest college holiday brings all the chaos you’d expect—but what should matter most is maintaining your friendships and overall well-being. Speak up for yourself. I can’t say it any simpler. Disagreements will happen. Minor verbal altercations are inevitable when, for example, everyone’s talking at once, most of y’all are “turnt", social batteries are drained, and there’s only one charger left. Shit happens. What matters most is that y’all make it back where you came from and remain friends. 

For those celebrating Halloween College Edition for the first time, I want you to use your discernment—heavily use your discernment. You just got here. You don’t know these people yet, and if you have to ask who your friends are, those are not your friends. Know your crowd and know when to speak up. It’s never okay to get steamrolled or to participate in steamrolling

others. Humanity is in a crisis state right now, and it takes zero effort to be empathetic toward one another. 

Know who you are and represent that—for no one but yourself. Finally, for my shyer baddies, like Carrie, who hold space for inconvenience and grace in their hearts: it’s okay not to say every thought that crosses your mind. But when it comes to your overall well-being and comfort, you should say something—and you know that. You’re not “doing too much” if you speak up for yourself, especially in situations that make you uncomfortable. A lot of problems could be avoided or solved with words. 

Carrie isn’t a happy story—she killed everyone out of anger and frustration instead of speaking up for herself with strength and confrontation. Don’t be the non-confrontational friend. Be the confrontational friend, baddies.