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Living with Depression as a College Student


Written by Lucy Anderson

Photography by Sophia Keefe

Talent: @ellyadira on Instagram


Imagine you are walking on a race track with hundreds of other people. After a moment, you look up and realize that everyone is jogging. You’re the only one walking. You start sprinting, heart racing, face sweating, heavy breathing, all in an effort to try and catch up. Suddenly you’re ahead. You smile, take a deep breath, and let yourself slow down. You start walking again. You keep walking, and slowly but surely everyone is ahead of you again. You’re confused. Why is everyone else jogging? How do they not have to take breaks? Why can’t I keep up? Is there something wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?

When I was thinking about how to start writing this, the image of the racetrack kept popping up in my head. Every person has a different picture of what depression looks like for them. Maybe to you, depression feels more like a swimming pool. Or quicksand. Or it doesn’t have a face or picture, it just feels like darkness. The inability to complete the tasks you know you have to do. Not showering for a week because you just can’t get yourself to. Sleeping through classes and plans with friends because you just feel so indescribably tired. It’s difficult, it’s exhausting, and to be honest it’s scary. I hate feeling out of control of myself. I hate being labeled as lazy or unmotivated because it’s simply not true. It’s not that I don’t want to get out of bed, or brush my teeth, or do my laundry, or complete the other things on my long list of tasks that I have running through my head nearly all the time, it’s that I physically can’t.

Okay, enough of this blabbering. I am writing this article, not just to vent about my problems, but to explain how I am attempting to work through them. I was diagnosed with depression in July 2023 and wow did it hit me in the face. At first, it felt like just another label (if you know me you know I’m not the biggest fan of those.) I was frustrated, sad, sick, angry, at the world, the psychiatrist that diagnosed me, and at myself. But the more I let myself think about it, the more it made sense. Looking at my life, how I process things emotionally, and where my default train of thought leads were all solidifiers for my personal diagnosis. I know I just spent a whole paragraph talking about my race track analogy, but my depression does not feel like any form of exercise. To me, my depression feels like a black hole in the pit of my stomach ready to make my whole body collapse in on itself at any moment. It is a looming shadow that lives inside of me while also simultaneously consuming me from the outside in. My depression manifests itself in a lot of physical ways for me, as well as mental. I constantly feel drained and exhausted no matter how much sleep I get or how much caffeine I drink, and my body feels sick with dread and a weird empty numbness about 90% of the time. These, along with the mental aspects of depression, can make life feel miserable. I have gone months feeling like my life is just a collection of doctor appointments, a handful of tests and quizzes, and a huge impossible-to-conquer mountain of cloudy thoughts. If this sounds similar to you, or similar to something you are either currently experiencing or have experienced in the past keep reading.

One of the biggest things I’ve learned about myself and how I deal with my depression is that an outlet of any form is so helpful. There are so many different kinds of self-expression and movement that can be done from so many places (both mentally and physically.) My chosen outlets are as follows:

  1. Writing

  2. Singing

  3. Dance Parties

  4. Long walks (preferably while listening to an audiobook or podcast)


Listening to podcast episodes and watching video essays is also a great distraction for me even if I’m not taking a walk or spending some time outside. I’ll put these on while I’m in the shower, doing chores, working on homework, or about to go to sleep. This is great for me, as well as listening to music, because instead of focusing on my anxiety or how I feel or look or what I need to get done or what I have already gotten done but didn’t do as well as I could’ve, I have someone else's train of thought to focus on. And no, unfortunately, this doesn’t work 100% of the time, but on the days that aren’t as difficult, or when I’m able to have something else to pull my focus away from the thought spiral, it greatly benefits me. Along with these benefits I also get to learn about things I’m interested in and discover new ideas and concepts that I hadn’t known of before. With that being said though, immediately following my listening or viewing of this content all of my friends and loved ones are forced to hear about said things I have learned.

My current favorite podcasts and video essayists are:

  • SmartLess hosted by Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett

  • The Psychology of Your 20s with Jemma Sbeg

  • Maintenance Phase hosted by Aubrey Gordon and Michael Hobbes

  • SkipIntro on YouTube (he has a great series on Copaganda in media)

  • Johnny2Cellos on YouTube who mostly makes commentary videos on animated shows.

Of course, you don’t have to listen to any of these, I would honestly prefer if you didn’t because then I can feel like I have a cool little secret niche just for me. But I hope that little collection inspires you to seek out some cool little secret niche of your own.


Another thing I’ve found I struggle with is “task paralysis”. Task paralysis can be caused by a multitude of things but for me, it is caused by an overwhelming amount of tasks, so overwhelming I can’t do any of them. My thought process when this happens is kind of like this: “Okay I have some free time what should I do… Oh I have homework that’s due tomorrow I should probably start on that. But if I start on my homework I should probably do my laundry too it’s definitely time. But if I do my laundry then I’d have to fold it and put it away after and I realllyyyyy don’t want to do that because I hate folding my laundry but also hate keeping my clean clothes in the dirty hamper but wait I should probably clean up the bathroom a bit too if I’m gonna be doing chores but I think I have an assignment to do tonight and if I start working on that I should make sure I…” and this just happens over and over again until I either give up and decide to do nothing at all or if I manage to get one thing done (and it’s usually the homework assignment due the same night.) Something that has helped me process this and work through these periods of paralysis is only making myself do what NEEDS to be done. And I mean that in the way of just doing the one homework assignment that’s due because any grade at all is better than a zero. Or on the really hard days literally just get up to go pee and refill my water bottle. Breaking up tasks as much as I can instead of connecting them in a neverending circle of anxiety makes it so much easier to not only process them but actually get up and do them… well at least a couple of them.

Hopefully, this collection of word vomit has helped you find a new coping skill or two or just showed you that you’re not alone in your anxiety-induced depression bubble. Even if the idea of these things sounds terrible see if you can find something that works for you. Or don’t, I don’t care (yes I do I care so much I hope you enjoyed this article and if you ever need help here are some resources.)



Written by Lucy Anderson

Photography by Sophia Keefe

Talent: @ellyadira on Instagram

Fall Nostalgia


Written by Andie Serrao

Photography by Thea Wiener


Fall is a bittersweet season that can evoke a range of emotions. It brings people to reflect on the past, relive heartfelt memories, and establish a connection with the changing seasons. Fall invites us to set off on a journey through time, memory, and sentimentality as the leaves change from green to vivid hues of red and orange as the air grows cold with the promise of winter. The charming "fall nostalgia" phenomenon allows us to connect to the past while enjoying the present. These feelings can produce a sense of happiness and gratitude for what made you happy in the past and continue it in the future.



Fall's sensory sensations, such as sipping pumpkin spice lattes and eating a slice of warm apple pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, evoke sentiments of earlier autumns. Recollections are sparked by the sight of falling leaves, the crisp air, and the approach of the holiday season. Between the food, movies, and traditions, fall conjures up memories of our childhood, get-togethers, and customs for many. The distinctive flavors and aromas of the season bring in thoughts of the coziness and warmth of the past. There are many traditions and festivities in the fall as families and friends often get together during holidays like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and fall festivals, which can bring up special memories. The joy of trick-or-treating with friends, pumpkin picking with cousins, going to cider mills, or gathering around the table for the Thanksgiving meal are all connected to the nostalgia of fall.



When nostalgic, It can be comforting to embrace the feeling and take moments to reminisce on your favorite falltime memories. These memories could include happy seasonal activities or memorable childhood experiences like the tradition of making apple turnovers every year with your siblings or old laughs shared with your best friend on the walk home from school as the leaves crunched beneath your feet when you fought for the best character to be in the friend group's Halloween costume. Maybe jumping into the pile of leaves your dad ranked for you and your sister or the tantrums thrown after hearing your mom say that you need to wear a long-sleeved shirt under your costume, ruining it entirely. Heading upstate to go apple picking when your dad was the only one tall enough to reach the apples and them turning out to all be rotten because you went too late in the season. The feeling of thinking you were brave enough to go into the haunted house because your older cousins did but then backing out at the last minute. Even though fall nostalgia can focus on the past, you can also enjoy the season by creating brand-new experiences that you'll treasure forever like taking trips with friends to spooky towns like Sleepy Hollow, New York, or Salem, Massachusetts. You can make a scrapbook of your fall memories to record your experience. You can also keep these memories alive by sharing your traditions with others.

Fall nostalgia is a lovely and incredibly intimate emotion that connects us to the past and deepens our present. Being able to share something that gives us joy with others we love is important as it keeps traditions alive. We experience our transformations as the seasons change, shaped by the memories and feelings that each season brings. So, while you observe the leaves shedding and feel the coolness in the air, savor the nostalgia of fall for a moment. With the separation of your present from your past, you can wrap yourself in a warm and cozy blanket of memories all year long.


Written by Andie Serrao

Photography by Thea Wiener

Talent: Jazzi Almestica, Jake Pranian, Lucy Anderson, Sophia Querrazzi, Mark Bluemle

The Real History of Thanksgiving and the Dangers of Imperialist Narratives


Written by Grace Bradley


Anticolonialism has been a hot-button topic in recent years. And with each November that passes, the topic of Thanksgiving becomes more and more controversial. This is for several reasons. The main one being reactionary conservatives feeling threatened by the notion that this country was founded on genocide, the other being the “well what do we do now” question. If you know me at all, you know that I have a lot of feelings about colonialism (tiocfaidh ár lá), and I hope that this piece will not only enlighten you on the history of the holiday but also highlight the danger of continuing to teach this false history.


A plaque acknowledging National Day of Mourning


So. Thanksgiving. A holiday that for years was disguised as a peaceful meeting between two different groups, and also acts as the bible for the “I don’t see color” crowd. I’m probably not the first person to tell you that this is a lie. So what actually happened? It all starts with one Native American man, Tisquantum, more commonly referred to by his colonial nickname, Squanto. Tisquantum was a member of the Wampanoag tribe. He was kidnapped by a slave trader but managed to escape to England. While in England, he learned English. During all this, European settlers arrived in New England, and with them came diseases that killed countless Native Americans. When Tisquantum returned to North America, he found his people dead. Meanwhile, Wampanoag chief Massasoit believed that the pilgrims could act as allies against the Narragansett, an enemy of the Wampanoag tribe. Tisquantum became a translator for both the colonists and the Wampanoag people, this led to a successful harvest for the pilgrims. In celebration, the settlers set off a series of gunfire. This worried Massasoit, who thought that the shooting meant war. More importantly, Wampanoag warriors came to the settlement in preparation for war, not because they were so graciously invited. Rather than battling, the two groups engaged in a feast.


Drawing of Tisquantum


The true history of Thanksgiving is rather uncomplicated. The Wampanoag tribe didn’t work with the pilgrims out of respect or friendship, but out of survival. The holiday is built on necessity, not brotherhood. So why has the narrative suggested otherwise? Well, the reason is clear: it’s comforting. The idea that for one glorious feast, two ways of life met and celebrated their differences is a lot easier for white people and colonizers to swallow than the truth being that the Wampanoag people truly had no one else to turn to than those who oppressed them. Reckoning with that would mean reevaluating all that this country is based on and a lot of people simply do not want to do that. The other reason this fabrication is so widely accepted is that it creates this idea that Native Americans, and in turn all colonized people, were content with their entire culture being decimated because the pilgrims were so nice that one time. It erases all the bloodshed and disease brought on by European colonizers after the feast. The feast was just that, a feast. It didn’t magically bring an end to the genocide. If we believe that one instance of kindness among decades of violence makes up for decades of violence, then we believe the lies fed to us by imperialists. Imperialism wants you to contribute to it. It wants you to aid in it. We cannot let that happen by continuing to spread false narratives.


The American Indian by Native Artist Fritz Scholder (left(



So what can we do? Educating others on the real story is the most important tool we have. But donating and supporting Native causes is equally as important. Do something.org recommends eating Native American food on the holiday, which I think is a lovely idea. Using Thanksgiving as a way to meet up with family, rather than using it to promote brotherly love is valuable as well. We all have a part to play in reversing the effects of centuries of colonialism. Imperialism is a disease. Starting conversations and taking action against the spread of it might just be the cure.




Below is a list of Native American organizations that take donations

Native American Heritage Association


National Indian Child Welfare Association


American Indian College Fund


Indigenous Media Freedom Alliance


Native Wellness Institute


Warrior Women Project


Native American Disability Law Center


Sources:


Menjivar, Jackie. “Truthsgiving: The True History of Thanksgiving.” DoSomething.Org, www.dosomething.org/us/articles/truthsgiving-the-true-history-of-thanksgiving. Accessed 25 Oct. 2023.


“Everything You’ve Learned About Thanksgiving Is Wrong.” The New York Times, https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/21/us/thanksgiving-myths-fact-check.html.

Office, CPN Public Information. “The True, Dark History of Thanksgiving.” Potawatomi.Org, 21 Nov. 2022, www.potawatomi.org/blog/2020/11/25/the-true-dark-history-of-thanksgiving/.


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