Can Men Just Not?

What is wrong with men?

Can heterosexual men and women ever be “just friends”?

Is the idea of a platonic friendship still alive?

The age-old question is still unsolved. Non-romantic friendships between men and women appear to be both likely and as seen by the fact that they coexist peacefully like at work or school without ever getting into something more than friends. Still, this seemingly platonic relationship may be all a front for many sexual urges that are cooking under the surface.

I have created a collection of research from mainly women, along with some men as well to test whether men and women can be platonic. The three questions I asked each participant were:

Have any of your female friendships been ruined because of a guy?

Have you been in an uncomfortable situation where some guy said a comment or joke that was misogynistic and thought you were going to agree and play on?

Do you believe men and women can be JUST be friends?

Some women have changed the way they act around men which is of course not the same as when with their girlfriends. Also, women have been competitive when a man that they find attractive is around and that might change their character which affects their friendships. They might even see their friends as a threat to some guy they like even if they don’t express interest.

A brighter side to this question is hearing that a lot of women are very careful when it comes to liking a guy. They put in the research to know whether or not he is tolerable to be around. Sure he’s hot but what else is there to him for there to even lead to a conflict where friends would be bothered by the boyfriend?

For the second question, women have been more silent when it comes to being in on a joke told by a guy and are supposed to laugh as well, or so that’s what the guy wanted. Some women did not correct them because they did not want to come off as rude or annoying or some girl who can’t take a joke. Making fun of women has always been something that society has tolerated and it passes now as the norm. Especially surrounded in a male-dominated space, some women have to play it off and laugh at comments because they are scared of any bad reputation that may follow them. In my research, all of the women I asked gave a big Yes to the last question. However, all the men I asked said no. Big yikes!

When viewed as a team, it can be that men and women have somewhat different ideas about what it means to be “just friends” and that disagreements could cause a falling out. Men can’t seem to suppress their yearning for anything more even when women seem sincere in their friendship. Men are less likely than women to believe that attraction between platonic friends is more harmful than beneficial.

The findings imply that men and women experience opposite-sex friendships in very different ways depending on their gender. Compared to their female friends, men were significantly more drawn to the latter. Men are more likely than women to hold the obvious false assumption that friends who are the other sex are attracted to them. In short, men believe that the kind of romantic attraction they experience is mutual and are blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Men’s evaluation of their attractiveness to their female friends had hardly anything to do with how these women were feeling and practically nothing to do with how men individually felt.

So, men: think, daydream, and plot stupid men's shit.

So the big question… Can men and women JUST be friends? Very likely, if the population thought like women.

We would be living in hell if everyone thought like men.

Written by Daniel Rojas

4 Books to Read Over Fall Break

As we know all too well, with the fall season comes Thanksgiving break and suddenly having to deal with family members you haven’t seen in a while. Family members who will try to get you out of your room so that they can judge your life choices and interrogate you with questions about your love life. If you’d like something to stare at while ignoring your aunt’s line of questioning, here’s a short list of some books to make the fall break a little more tolerable.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

Starting off with the book that launched a whole new aesthetic, The Secret History has grown into a fall classic. This book is perfect for dark academics, murder mystery enthusiasts, and angsty young adults alike. Taking place at an elite New England college in the 80’s the book follows 19 year-old Richard Papen as he falls in with a closed-off, cultic group of Classics students. Although the story unfolds slowly, Donna Tartt makes sure to make every page worth it. Rife with beautifully intricate details and an aura of mystery, once you are pulled into the picturesque world that Tartt has created you can’t help but stay and wait for things to fall apart. Luckily, one doesn’t have to wait long before Tartt takes a knife and slashes this beautiful portrait of intelligentsia with an ugly truth about the consequences of chasing something that only looks perfect.

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

For fans of the “Percy Jackson” series, the childhood friends-to-lovers trope, and getting your heart broken into a thousand pieces, Madeline Miller’s take on The Iliad reimagines the story of the Trojan War from the perspective of Achilles’ boyhood companion, Patroclus. Readers watch as the two boys meet, fall in love, and grow into men torn apart by war. However, don’t let yourself think that this novel is merely a romantic fanfiction, Miller stays true to the source material. The picture of youthful innocence makes you believe that our lovers might just make it, but once news comes of Helen of Troy’s kidnapping, it becomes clear just how it all ends. The beauty of this novel comes from how Miller leans heavily into the humanity of this ancient tale. Achilles was only half god after all. Romance, drama, poetic prose, what more could you need?

Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill

These fairytales are different. Damsels were in distress, but they can save themselves. Stepmothers were not simply evil, but a stand-in for the women that were put through the ringer of harsh reality. Princes were only charming for the first week of knowing them. The real monsters were the demons that were inside us all along and we became knights just for fighting them. In this collection of poems, Nikita Gill takes the familiar princesses of our youth and reminds us that they were never victims, but fighters. Cinderella was mistreated by her family, but she endured and remained kind. Tinkerbell’s anger was not something to be placated but embraced. The real fairy godmother was within us all along and happy endings are still possible. Gill’s weaving between self-love letters and angry rants against the patriarchy make for a moving yet underrated piece of feminist literature.

Where Are Your Boys Tonight: The Oral History of Emo’s Mainstream Explosion 1999 - 2008 by Chris Payne

This one goes out to Hot Topic kids everywhere. Music journalist Chris Payne interviews more than 150 producers, musicians, managers, and elder emos to document the genre’s journey from DIY basement shows to the VMAs. But, this isn’t your regular music history book. Payne compiles each interview transcript to create a dynamic timeline that reads like an episode of Behind The Music. By including producers and managers in addition to frontmen, Payne takes us backstage of some of our beloved bands, letting us see how My Chemical Romance’s first album came together and the reality of performing at Warped Tour. Plus a page of photos that includes one of Hayley Williams performing at the School of Rock, and an early Panic! At The Disco poster. If you were a fan of 2000’s emo, this book is for you. If you hated 2000’s emo, I suggest reading this article again from the top.

Hopefully some of these books either provide a decent way of avoiding small talk or make for an interesting conversation starter. No matter what book you choose, from this list or not, make it one that genuinely interests you. Reading should be fun and enjoyable all-year round.

The Best Bookshops to Visit During Fall in NYC

The leaves have started turning, the weather is crisp, and the themed drinks are out in full force. Autumn has finally arrived and with it comes a whole bundle of blankets and coziness. When it comes to this time of year, one of my favorite things to do in the city is visit bookshops to do some light reading, maybe a bit of work, and just have a nice cup of hot cocoa. If you’re anything like me, that means you’re probably looking for the next place to hunker down and do exactly that. Well, lucky for you because I’ve made a list (in no particular order) of some of my favorite bookstores with cafes in New York City to visit when the weather gets just right.

McNally Jackson Books

4 Fulton St, New York, NY 10038

Spanning two floors, McNally Jackson Books is an independent bookstore that has stories on every topic imaginable. From old relics to new finds, from used copies to ones that have just hit the shelves, McNally’s has an array for you to choose from. This gorgeous location is cozy, historical, and connected to a small cafe that will help you get into the fall spirit.

Housing Works Bookstore Cafe

126 Crosby St, New York, NY 10012

I think that my favorite thing about Housing Works is that it is completely non-profit. All of the staff members are volunteers, all of the books are donated, and 100% of their profits go to fund Housing Works’ incredibly important lifesaving services. On top of that, it truly is a gorgeous place to go sit and get some work done, especially with the fairy lights strung up inside.

Book Club Bar

197 E 3rd St, New York, NY 10009

A quaint bookshop, the Book Club Bar is an amazing place to head to if you want something a tad more fancy to enjoy whilst reading. There’s coffee, wine, snacks, and other cocktails to choose from (and, sometimes, they have special drinks on the menu that are inspired by books). If you’re looking for a snug atmosphere to do work in, this place checks all the boxes!

Shakespeare and Co.

939 Lexington Ave, New York, NY 10065

One thing that I find super neat about Shakespeare and Co. is that they print some of the books that are sold there. Yes, you heard that right! How cool is that? It’s also such a lovely environment to do work in, especially since the cafe and bookstore areas are slightly separated. If you’re anything like me, that makes it a lot easier to not get distracted by the various books that are begging for a new home.

Yu and Me Books

115 Delancey St. Stall #11, New York, NY, 10002 (temporary location)

Yu and Me Books is a small, independent bookshop that is owned by Lucy Yu and has a staff of about 10 people. In my opinion, it’s such an important store to showcase on this list, especially since it shines a spotlight on immigrant stories that don’t always see the light of day. Sadly, this past summer, there was a fire in the unit above them that caused significant damage to both the store and the inventory. But, fear not! With the help of the community, they are slowly rebuilding and currently have a temporary location you can visit (which is listed above)! If you would like to help Yu and Me Books continue to recover, I’ve included their GoFundMe below as well as the link to their online bookshop:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/yu-me-books-recovery-fund

https://bookshop.org/shop/yuandmebooks

Bluestockings Cooperative

116 Suffolk St, New York, NY 10002

Originally started as a feminist bookstore, Bluestockings Cooperative is a worker-owned location that actively supports the challenging of systemic oppression, unjust hierarchies, and the silencing of various communities. Plus, for those experiencing hard times, Bluestockings has a Free Store that provides food, drinks, clothing, toiletries, first aid, and other necessities to those in need. With a lot of the staff being openly queer and from various backgrounds, the space is incredibly welcoming and such a great area to spend an afternoon in.

The Strand Bookstore

828 Broadway at 12th Street, New York, NY 10003

A New York staple, The Strand Bookstore is one of the most iconic independent bookshops in the city. From new novels to rare ones, I can almost assure you that, whatever you are looking for, it will be at The Strand. And, over this past summer, they added a Brooklyn Roasting Co. in-shop coffeehouse! The place to go to during fall if you’re trying to simultaneously check off seeing some iconic New York locations.

Barnes and Noble (Union Square)

33 E 17th St, New York, NY 10003

If you don’t know what Barnes and Noble is, I will admit, I’d be a bit concerned. Barnes and Noble is one of the most well-known booksellers in the United States and it just so happens that, here in New York City, we are home to the largest Barnes and Noble in the US! A whopping four stories tall, this ginormous bookstore is heaven for anyone who wants to get lost in mazes of stories. I’ll be honest, I tend to frequent here quite a bit to do homework. I love to sit in the bay windows in the cafe and look out over Union Square, sometimes eyeing stands at the flea market that I’m going to hit later that day (main character energy, y’know?). It’s a spot to visit if you want to get a nice view of the leaves changing color as autumn makes itself known.

Written by Ashley Lavalle